What Are Men to Rocks and Mountains?

Well…I finally jumped on the blogging bandwagon and I’m still wary about the entire thing.  I’m not one to say how I feel in real life so what better way to get it out than vent to complete strangers on the internet that have no idea who I am?

I recently just ended a relationship with a guy and it ended semi-mutually.  Now, I know I love and care about this guy but am I supposed to give up complete happiness just to keep a few friends?  Not only do we have mutual friends but we work together. For the longest time I turned him down for that exact reason.  Eventually I gave in.  Is it so wrong for women to want to have someone SHOW them they are cared about? We fell into this cycle of getting drunk and eventually I was a completely different person than I was a year ago.  My love for adventure and fun died.  Why?  Because he didn’t want to do those things so of course I stopped doing them.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”- Stephen Chbosky

That quote hits home with me. I love more than I should.  I cannot stand the thought of hurting someone or someone hating me.  When is it enough?  I will not sacrifice my happiness for the sake of hurting someone.  This is my life and if I am not happy with it I can change it.  It’s so simple and we make it seem so difficult.  It hurts.  I would be lying if I told you I fall asleep easily every night.  But  I don’t.  How does one go from sleeping next to someone for a year to having no one to reach towards?  Alcohol. That’s how.  And lots of it.  I distract myself with alcohol, books, and now blogging.  Books are my escape to a better world.  A world I wish I could be apart of.  Life will get easier but until then I will surround my self with wine and immerse myself in a fantasy life of book boyfriends and fearless heroines.


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