Well…I finally jumped on the blogging bandwagon and I’m still wary about the entire thing. I’m not one to say how I feel in real life so what better way to get it out than vent to complete strangers on the internet that have no idea who I am?
I recently just ended a relationship with a guy and it ended semi-mutually. Now, I know I love and care about this guy but am I supposed to give up complete happiness just to keep a few friends? Not only do we have mutual friends but we work together. For the longest time I turned him down for that exact reason. Eventually I gave in. Is it so wrong for women to want to have someone SHOW them they are cared about? We fell into this cycle of getting drunk and eventually I was a completely different person than I was a year ago. My love for adventure and fun died. Why? Because he didn’t want to do those things so of course I stopped doing them.
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”- Stephen Chbosky
That quote hits home with me. I love more than I should. I cannot stand the thought of hurting someone or someone hating me. When is it enough? I will not sacrifice my happiness for the sake of hurting someone. This is my life and if I am not happy with it I can change it. It’s so simple and we make it seem so difficult. It hurts. I would be lying if I told you I fall asleep easily every night. But I don’t. How does one go from sleeping next to someone for a year to having no one to reach towards? Alcohol. That’s how. And lots of it. I distract myself with alcohol, books, and now blogging. Books are my escape to a better world. A world I wish I could be apart of. Life will get easier but until then I will surround my self with wine and immerse myself in a fantasy life of book boyfriends and fearless heroines.